Monday, October 18, 2010

Guess who I ran into at the fertility clinic?

Talk about your awkward moments. I ran into a friend who I'm going to start working with in January. She's great, but I haven't told her that we've been trying (and failing) because a) she's a colleague, and b) she can't keep a secret at all. So I figured we would both be happier saving this discussion until I was pregnant or on an adoption list.

Until today. I was headed in, and she and her husband were headed out. I had this moment of mutual recognition where I thought, "Oh this is so nice. She's going through this too, and how nice that they're trying for kids." She asked me what I was doing there, and I said "I'm a patient here." But it turns out she's not a patient - she's an egg donor. So it's not as happy a discovery anymore. And the conversation was way more awkward because her husband was there too. Although he was really nice about the whole thing, and he has a kid from his first marriage, so he's not a stranger to these things.

I'm trying to focus on the upsides: she can reassure me about the IVF drugs and needles, and we can help each other out with big injections if necessary. And because they're not going through IF, they have the energy and positivity to wish me luck on the IUI tomorrow and not know how unlikely that seems. So it's kind of nice to be buoyed by some kindhearted fertile people. And I'll just try not to think about the fact that it couldn't be a starker comparison that this coworker is the picture of fertility and I'm the picture of not. She wins, but if I get to have a baby, I definitely win too. And it's nice that I'll be able to be open about it at work when we start IVF - my future boss and loudest future coworker both know now, so there are only two other people to find out. Hopefully I can get through tomorrow without my current boss or coworkers finding out about the IUI. And I can keep from considering (too much) what happens to my career and my dignity if/when this (very lovely very fun) future coworker gets drunk at a conference and tells people in my field that I'm infertile : )

1 comment:

  1. How very awkward! I am always afraid I'm going to run into someone at the fertility clinic. But, like you, I thought "oh, that would be good, though, forced bonding." But, oh dear -- this seems particularly awkward to deal with.