Friday, December 24, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Speaking of my husband, he told four people today. More than ever before. The sweetest story was when he told a coworker who has a one-year-old. They had also struggled for years (3 I think) to conceive. Lots of therapy. And basically they ended up getting pregnant while waiting to start IVF. I don't think they were very open about their struggle, but when my husband mentioned that we were having trouble while they were on a business trip, his coworker told him about how hard it was for him and his wife. It's made me feel closer to them from afar ever since, and it was just so nice for my husband to be able to finally give this friend the good news. Apparently he barely got into the office and said "so can you keep a secret for a couple of weeks?" and the friend immediately knew what he was talking about and jumped up and hugged him and told him how happy he is for us. I can't wait to see him tomorrow.
Finally, I'm struck by how different my work is from my husband's. My current boss has never had a trainee get pregnant before. None of the women in the lab have kids. So I'm continually expecting this news to hurt my career, and spend a lot of time thinking about how to show I'm still serious. I'm always surprised at how well people take it, no matter how many people I tell (10 so far? more?). In contrast, my husband works at a school where it seems like everyone is having kids all the time. They always have people on maternity leave, and his officemate has helped put together nanny-share arrangements for various people who work there. I think his life is a lot more normal than mine. But then again, when we were frustrated TTC, I could escape to work and throw myself into it without having constant reminders, and he had to go to work every day with happy pregnant people. Luckily, he's way better adjusted than I am : ) Still, I think this could be a great new advertising idea for lab science to draw in the frustrated infertiles.... "Biology: an escape from procreation" Catchy, right?
My future boss, starting in January, was actually a person I told when we started trying to conceive. And he and I have discussed the fact that we were using ART, and I had mentioned that it was looking like we’d have to start IVF pretty soon after I began working for him. I wanted to be as upfront as possible, since in a small lab any time off for a trainee can have an impact on a tenure-track scientist. But he’s a super family-friendly person, and a shoo-in for early tenure, so he has managed to be ridiculously positive about the whole thing. And in fact, he was one of the absolute first people I told when I found out I was pregnant. My husband agreed, he’s the person, after us, who probably has the most vested interest in this news : )
My current boss didn’t actually find out from me. I went into his office yesterday to tell him, but it turns out that a coworker I had told thought he already knew and spilled the beans. I thought that was fine, because that way I didn’t have to worry about his first reaction being inappropriate, but I also took pains to make sure he knew I was planning to tell him right away. I think we’re fine….
I told my two overseas supervisors in the same email message, and their reactions were completely opposite. One wrote back this morning responding to all of the logistical issues I brought up in my email (I won’t be able to fly there for my thesis defense when we had planned because it’s too late in the pregnancy, for example). I was a little surprised at this, since he’s a very family-oriented person, but I appreciated the logistical advice since he’s my main resource for that part of things.
What really surprised me was the reaction of my other overseas supervisor. He’s a great person, but we have always discussed almost exclusively science, and he has made a lot of sacrifices in his personal life for his career. He tends to be the most gruff of my advisors. And I see him less than once a year and speak to him only every 6 months or so. So I was completely shocked when he called me the moment he got the email. I wondered what he wanted to talk about so urgently (assuming it was logistics), but he launched into a description of how important the first 3-4 months of a pregnancy are, and urged me to take it easy over and over. He actually said “research will wait.” It was unexpected and really quite touching. He seemed so concerned about me. I have to say, it made me feel better about how lazy I’ve been about work in the last few weeks : ) It was just complete sweetness from the most unexpected source. And it made me feel great.
Monday, December 6, 2010
I made an appointment with an OB who was highly recommended both by my fertility doctor and by two coworkers. It seemed like it would be worth it to have such an awesome doctor, even though the wait for a new patient appointment is weeks and weeks. So I have to be patient about getting to see the kid again. It's really hard, because obviously my anecdotal experience with other people's blogs is that miscarriage is a major threat. So given my way, I would have an ultrasound every week to make sure things are going as planned. But I'm trying to remind myself that what will be will be, and that my symptoms are continual reminders that the baby is doing what it's doing : ) Luckily, the last picture we got (at 8 weeks 3 days) is pretty awesome:
(heartbeat was 170bpm)
If you're reading this, I hope you're well. I really appreciate this community, and I promise to be more in touch in the coming days and weeks.